MyBlueFunk

Whoa.  I just got home. I met-up with my sister at a coffee shop.  She’s having a crisis, I’m having a crisis – crises all around.

We talked, listened, empathized, sympathized, cried, laughed. It was very good. We’re very supportive of one another.  We’re both very honest with one another as well.

Both of our lives are at a sort of turning point, for very different reasons, but we’re both at a critical point at the same time. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. Usually when one of us is up the other is down – which is often good because the one who’s up is able to provide much needed support to the one who’s down.  It’s odd we’re both at similar points at similar times. The good thing is we’re still able to support one another. And laugh. Laughter is good.  Not the kind of laughter that ignores reality or the crisis at hand, but a good kind of laughter that is needed at times like these.

Our issues are very different but still highly stressful. She’s the only one who really, truly understands my struggles. I so appreciate that. No need to lie. That’s such a relief.  I do hide some things, I guess – but that’s normal.

I got home and as I was putting the key in the door I fully expected the bully to be back and berate me for the mess of my apartment. But when I opened the door I thought, “Huh, it’s an improvement. There’s a ways to go but it is an improvement.” Ah – the bully was silent.

I grabbed my camera and went for a walk. It was not quite 10pm.  There was a full moon and I felt compelled to walk down to the lake.  I’ve lived here 3 years and one of the reasons I chose this area was my close proximity to the lake.  I figured I could walk down there almost every evening and just think and unwind.  It’s only about 2 blocks from my place.

So today at about 10pm I finally walked down there. 3 years and I’d never done it before. It felt good. I felt like I accomplished something. I was really breathing hard by the time I got back but that’s okay. I didn’t die, was just a little winded. That’s a good thing, means I did myself some good.

I stayed down at the lake for a while.  It was wonderful hearing the soothing sound of the water lapping against the rocks.  The moon was beautiful and it was so peaceful.  The way the light of the moon reflected on the water was like a lit pathway. It was so dark I was unable to see anything else.  It felt so soothing.

I’m back home now – obviously.  I told my sister about my journalling, although not about this blog. I told her how I found it was helping to propel me forward. How it was helping me to look at things in my life that I’d ignored for years.  Helping me to feel – even feel scary things I usually bury.

Right now I’m emotionally spent. My head is pounding. And I can’t remember the last time I felt so hopeful for my life.

I may never win a photo contest but I took this while I was at the lake tonight.   I really have had a full day and it was nice to end it with this beautiful full moon.