Feeling Angry
So now my mood has switched to anger. Frustration and anger. My life isn’t how I want it to be and to get it to the way I want will take some astronomical maneuvers. And just the thought of what I have to do is wearing me down. I know I need to break it all down into little steps but that’s just so frustrating. Perhaps I’m just putting up road blocks, but to be honest … the little steps are exhausting and there’s even some financial issues involved that stop me.
I just wish I could close my eyes and open them again and have the living space I want. Have the car I want. Have the life I want.
I know practically everyone out there wishes they could do that. And I know it’s not a reality.
Anyway. Just the thought of all the steps, and the fact that I’m stuck here right now … it’s all making me angry. I sure hope I’m not feeling this way tomorrow. I guess some would say I’m responsible for my mood, but most times it doesn’t seem that way.
I hope I do a few things tomorrow so that I don’t feel like I wasted my weekend yet again this week. That all gets exhausting too.
I did my budget the other day … that’s probably adding to my anger. No matter how ya slice it, I’m living in poverty and that’s not going to change any time soon for a vast variety of reasons. I’m just coming out of my 2nd bankruptcy and due to health issues I can’t change my job right now. So … I’m stuck. I’m lucky in one way that I have a job but … I still feel kinda stuck.
Anyway. Anger, anger, anger. It’s not propelling me forward this time, it’s just making my heart beat faster and it’s making me breath heavier … and just making me really frustrated and anxious. Not pleasant.
And it’s 12:30 or something in the morning. I’ve been falling asleep around 5am lately … then getting up and going to work which for me starts at 11am. The weird sleeping and lack of sleep is not helping me I know.
Okay – that’s it for that bitching.
I just wanted to track my mood in hopes that it will help me in the long run. I actually think it will help me eventually.
More & More
I’ve been eating more & more lately – but I think I know why. It’s that lovely time of the month women hate. I’m so sick of it! More food, more headaches, more pain, more bitchiness, more food again and round and round it goes. Since I was 12 for crap sakes.
I don’t even know if ‘crap sakes’ is a saying but whatever, it is now. I dare anyone to challenge me. I’m up for the fight. 
