MyBlueFunk

Come So Far … So Far to Go

April 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm (alone, family, feelings, financial probs, hoarding, lonely, sad, sex & relationships, work)

Yeah, that’s how I feel.  I’ve come so far but I still have so far to go.

Holiday times are hard for me because I don’t have my own family.  I have family but it’s siblings and their children & grandchildren.  I’m on my own.  I find that hard at times.

I basically drive home from family gatherings crying, alone in my car.  No one would ever know that’s what I do.  I actually think people would be shocked to know I’m feeling so alone and lonely.

I haven’t posted in a while.  I’ve been very busy out in the “real” world which is a good thing.  Work is going better, the boss actually made some significant changes that have been noticed by a lot of people.  It’s all for the better.  But there’s no pay raise for this year, which is a problem.  I’m falling behind.  I’m not in any more debt, but I just can’t get ahead.

I’ve met a lot of people, and developed a crush on one of them.  He doesn’t know I exist but it’s been a strange set of circumstances for me.  For one, it’s good to know that I’m still alive, but it’s sad to know that men aren’t really attracted to me.  It’s just making me feel more isolated even though I’m less isolated.  Kinda weird.

Anyway, I was just feeling a bit sad today and decided to write a post. Put it out there, help me think about it all.  I noticed my hoarding tendencies started to raise their ugly head again, so I gotta get that in order.  It’s not bad, I’m just more messy lately … but I know the signs and I don’t want to fall back into the world I was in a few years ago.

It is interesting though, how certain stressors in my life can trigger that kind of behaviour again.  It’s good I’m noticing it.

Maybe it’s just a good day to hibernate and feel sad.  Then get back to life tomorrow.